Cravings

I thought for sure I was having a boy. I honestly didn't have a preference because I love my girls and I know how to be a girl and do girl things and understand them Colby was hoping Barrett could get a brother.  I had cravings for sour everything! Sushi, cranberry juice, vinegar stuff,  panda Express,  Mexican food, chips and salsa. Soda! But for weeks any soda hurt my stomach and caffeine gave me the most annoying anxiety ever.   One of the hardest parts of being pregnant is having some food aversion to anything but also being too tired to cook but also being so hungry you need to eat something right away. I hate cooking already and we can I can't smell nothing ever appeals to me and I dread all day making food for people and having to eat food and I had to think about it all day so that my blood sugar doesn't go too low. I just decided this time that if I was hungry for something I was going to eat it or go get it. I enjoy lots of chicken nuggets from chick filet with ranch dipping sauce with Buffalo sauce mixed that something I ate  for weeks and weeks when I was pregnant with Barrett.

1st trimester

I struggled. It was last few weeks of school and I missed taking my girls to lots of things because I just was too tired. The entire month of june we did maybe 2 things. I felt horrible but i was so weak and so sick. We ended up telling Aspen because I really needed her to help with Barrett while I was sick. She is amazing. So amazing. I hope I'm amazing as Aspen one day. We also took her places and paid her when she helped. I was pretty desperate.  I decided not to tell anyone until I went to the dr. My insurance didnt cover dr bullero and I kind of stressed and waited a while to see another dr because so few were covered and I didnt want another dr like Aspens drs office. If I had know I would have picked an insurance around my dr. I went in to see my new dr the day before we went on vacation to Utah for the archery challenge.  I definitely looked more bloated and I was embarrassed because I had alot of steroids the past few months waiting for my dupixent shot to be paid for and now weighed like 155. Even though I went to the gym everyday before.

Surprise!

May 19.. I just want to preface this saying, I believe children from heaven. Straight from heaven. I love my kids. Every decision I make is because of my children. Being pregnant is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Sometimes I think I have PTSD from being sick,  not having drs listen to be, being scared about not breathing or sleeping while growing a baby it's a scary thing.  On the flip side, after being completely surprised I was pregnant again I felt overwhelmed with not being able to give each of my kids adequate time and care. I felt guilty for being upset since I know so many people longing for a family of their own and their situation not working for them.
 The day I found out I was pregnant I had the worst allergies ever. I was completely emotional.  Out of control hormones. Which is one of the first signs I get. Second I woke up and my fingers hurt of carpal tunnel.  😩 that was my first change I noticed with Aspen and caydence. I couldn't go to church. Colby took the kids to church and it was disaster.  They didnt even make it to all over sacrament.  I took three tests all positive.  I told Colby is a fluster of tears. He was upset of the unplanned nature but warmed up quick because he loves kids and it a good dad.